Another One Bites the Dust

My roommate is pretty much awesome. We have a language all our own made of words and phrases coined from every medium imaginable. Whether it is movie quotes, music lyrics, code names for certain individuals, or common catch phrases with a special twist our shared experiences grant us a plethora of material ready to be folded like a paper airplane and sent carrying a coded message. Come with me to dinner a few nights back. Set in your mind a cafeteria during peak traffic. Upperclassmen yell across tables to get each other's attention. Freshman walk wide-eyed desperately trying to spot a familiar face and an empty seat. My table is packed with reunited dorm sisters sharing about summer jobs and/or planning room designs to accompany a newly purchased refrigerator. Naomi returns with her cup of tea and I'm eager to share with her a discovery I've made in her absence. A certain childhood friend of mine is one table away sharing a meal with my ministry coach from last year. From the beginning of last semester Naomi and I had picked them out as a 'future couple'. They are simple too perfect for each other in all their ridiculous quirks not to date each other. Now I could have attempted to whisper below the noise and say, “Look over there, so-and-so are having dinner together.” But in an environment of such chaos a whisper is on-par with normal volume so by the time I repeat it loud enough for Naomi to hear, five other people will be privy to my comment. Instead I revert to 'roommatese' and break out singing, “Dum, Dum, Dum, Another one bites the dust.” To any other individual, this reference to Queen brings back images of 80's power ballads and the outlandish rock bands who sing them, but to my roommate it conveys just the meaning that I intended, no more no less. She laughs as we join together for the chorus, “And another one gone, and another one gone. Another one bites the dust!”

Ode to the Profs.

School has begun. It is only by God's determination and grace that I am able to spend this school year at BBC. I will write about that series of provincial events later but for now I'm going to begin a memoir of my classroom experience focusing on the gems of wisdom that fall from the mouths of my mentors. Each day of class I will add a quote from one of my profs. and see at the end what treasure I have gained! Hope you enjoy "Ode to the Profs."!

August 25th- "Science is trying to understand the world around us objectively as possible, knowing we can't be fully objective."
"Giga's big Mega too! Kilo, hecto, deka through; deci, centi, milli are small. Micro, nano and that's ALL!" (sung to the tune of Barney's 'I Love you, you love me."
~Doc Palmer~

26th- While calling the role: Andrew H. Andrew H? Andrew's not here?" *Pause* "One more out of the book of life."
~Schlegoel~ (who else)

27th- "Homework is like sand in a clam---it can produce a pearl, but only after great irritation."

If Boys were Men...

Some months ago while loosing sleep over, what else but boys, this thought came to my mind, "What If Boys were Men?"

Life experience, meditation, and lack of sleep converged around 3am to produce the following monologue. It was later shared to my closest friends and greeted with much initial laughter and followed by much strong discussion and debate. Through some final editing, I have decided to make it known to my acquaintances at large through this blog. Hope you enjoy!

If Boys were Men...

then they would not have to have a woman to be secure.

then our churches would be places of practical solutions and not emotional fixes.

then this campus would be one where every woman felt respected and every dorm were equally clean.

• I think dating should be reserved for mature, godly adults who are seeking a helpmate and lover. (Everyone else is just playing around with emotion and temptation.)

• I think the role of the Husband/Father should be filled by a man and a woman should be cast as the Wife/Mother.

• I think that those contemplating a relationship should be seeking Godly counsel not discussing “How to make it official”.

• I do not think that boys should be allowed to have relationships with women under any circumstances-whether they are 16 or 35.

• Boys are not to be considered as men until show practically that they are preparing to lead a family.

• Men can prepare to lead a family now by practicing leadership among their peers and showing respect to their authorities.

• Opening doors now should be out of courtesy and respect, not the hope that someday I'll do your laundry and pick up your socks.

• If you say your my friend but try and act like my boyfriend then you are the reason facebook has a 'its complicated' option and are subjecting both of us to the comments of others. Please stop!

• If you ask me what time I am going to lunch, instead of 'Would you like to eat with me today?' then you are:

  a) showing your insecurity by not allowing for the possibility of rejection.

  b) showing your pride in assuming that my food will some how taste better if I eat it sitting across from you.

  c) doubting my capability of finding you in the cafeteria if we should (*gasp*) arrive separately.

(Whatever the case you are trying to act like my boyfriend and are not ready to lead a relationship.)

• If you continue to pursue me after I have expressed that I do not have feelings for you then I cannot be held responsible for the emotional trauma that may result.

• If you imagine that you understand me, yet are publicly proven wrong, then I reserve the right to laugh inwardly at your expense. *Note: As a lady I would at the time try to minimize your discomfort, but my humour guarantees I'll have a good chuckle with my roommate that night.

• If you do not have godly, mature male friends who value your time and friendship, then what will lead me to believe that you worth spending time with?

• If you have no existing close friends the how can I see that you are capable of healthy and God honoring, deep relationships.

• If you don't see at least two flaws for every good character trait that I possess then we are thinking of two different ppl, and this relationship ain't gonna work.

• If you are reminded of yourself while reading this may I suggest as a sister in Christ, and a woman, that you have some maturing to do in some or all of these area's.

• If you are deeply offended by this let me first say that you miss my jest, but perhaps a chat in private over a cup of tea would soothe your concerns.

• If you think this is a lighthearted ventilation of bend up emotions, then you are my true friend and I would welcome a hug next time we meet.

Unknown Danger

Its been said that 'an unknown danger was more dangerous than one that could be reckoned with beforehand' (I Am David, by Ann Holm). I find myself in a place where the unknown is unbearable because it cannot be reckoned with. A place where to be certain of unhappy truth is better than this neutral ignorance. Perhaps what i find most detestable is the spell of humanity this situation brings to my nose...I am limited in my knowledge of the hearts of men, unlike God who sees the depths of our souls. Were I privileged to the entire truth my selfishness would inevitably compel be to take actions towards securing my own will. God is aware of this, he allows it to be such so that I am again forced to rely on Him and His unlimited knowledge.

My weaknesses are again cause for Awe and Praise for they are made sufficient by the Omni (All) of God. That is His Omnipotence, Omnipresence, and Omniscience. He is present in all situations with full- knowledge and wisdom and power to accomplish His Good and Perfect Will. With this in mind, I need not, no I dare not worry about the present or future which I cannot know nor change.

The bottom line is this---There is no danger which my heavenly father does not know and will reckon with to use for His Glory!

I was raised by my sister's, Austen Style!

While relaxing this afternoon (i.e. watching Pride and Prejudice while sipping Earl Grey and attempting to fold laundry) I had the most astounding discovery...my brother is much more intelligent than his behavior would suggest! Not only did this 13 year old join me on the couch to watch this 6 hr period drama, but he interacted and maintained dialogue as we sat.
It was almost too much after this afternoon's episode which involved my family's own 'Netherfield Experience' (an Austen term for "exposure to public ridicule" based on the Bennet family's mortifying exhibition at the Netherfield Ball) which included, but was not limited to my brother jumping on the roof of my car while I attempted to make a prompt escape. With that memory in the base of my thoughts you can imagine the utter amazement of hearing actual conversation escape the lips of my brother. I can only hope that as I continue to feed my brother a steady diet of Austen Adaptations that he will come to realise the importance of behavior, education and most of all moral character.
I realize that true fruit in an individuals life must flow from a relationship with God and character is based of His pure and holy standards. God's standards will become rooted as the Word is studied and the Holy Spirit headed. I feel that though character is mainly inward, should be displayed outwardly through good manners and etiquette. A genuine love and concern for others will be evident by ones actions. These I see laking in my daily interactions with my brother but surely a strong dose of Austen will provide a livid practical example of Gentlemanly behavior.
I can't help thinking, Could my brother one day become a Mr. Darcy, Mr, Knightly, Edward Farris, or Cpt. Wentworth? At the moment I see him as a less corrupt version of Mr. Crawford, who is the life of the party and enjoys the attention he receives from females without any thought of a steady relationship or sacrificial love. Am I too harsh? Well, he is my brother and I won't make the mistake of Mr Bennet thinking 'it will all come right in the end". So I shall continue my plot and hope that I have not overestimated the power of literary hero's in influencing a young man into a gentleman. May Austen prevail!

What is the Sound of summer?

Is it the bee's hum in the rose garden or neighbor puppies yelping as they settle a domestic dispute?

is it the applauding wheat fields or the Indianapolis Orchestra performing Symphony on the prairie?
is it the laughter of children on the park swing or the explosion of my brother's fireworks?

What is the Smell of summer?
Is it the muggy breeze which reeks of freshly cut grass and a not-so-distant thunder storm?
is it the stench of chlorine after swim practice or the fragrance of a grill indicating that dinner is on the patio?
is it the campfire smoke we breathe while making our s'mores or the sent of the neighbors flower garden?

What is the Sight of Summer?
Is it the twinkling lights of the fair after sunset or the golden sun gleaming off the corn fields?
is it the deep verdure of the forest floor or following a butterfly's flight till it lands on your arm?
is it the smile of a childhood friend welcoming you in or the red-white-and-blue cloth which waves proudly from the front porch?

What is the Taste of summer?
Is it the relief of lemonade down a parched throat or banana splits made by hand with your cousins?
is it the sweet sensation of cotton candy as it melts on your tongue or the purple stain of berries on your lips?
is it a late night taco bell run with your friends or a 4th of July picnic with your church family?

What is the Touch of summer?
Is it the embrace of the warm breeze standing on a hill or the chilled freshness when you step into the woods?
is it the tickle of raindrops as they glide down your face or the caress of a cotton skirt on your knees?
is it your pounding heart while you sprint around the bases for a double or the tingle of mud seeping through your toes?

I Love, I have Loved, I will Love...

"We'll never meet any men locked up here, We're beyond the reach of love...it will kill me!" Rose spat out the words with conviction.
I turned away silently, I would have thought love was the murderous thing, not the lack of it. I am never going to fall in love. Life is dangerous enough.

For anyone wishing explore the concept of love, lust, infatuation, and heart-break from a safe distance, an hour and a half spent watching, "I Capture the Castle" will not be a waste of time.
The novel/movie is narrated by Cassandra who is also the heroine. She aspires to be a writer and keeps a diary hoping to 'capture' in shorthand the characters around her. The result is an honest 'coming of age' account following two sisters in their encounters with adolescent life and yes, love. Forget the love-triangles of soap operas, because this tale features a five character disaster described by the heroine as a party game "where no one gets the prize they want because its all second hand and third best."

I won't spoil the end by saying it all turns out as it should, because it doesn't. Lies and misdirected passion lead only to places of confusion and hurt, however, the author is kind enough to lead us to a place of satisfaction by the close of the book.

Before I haste to recommend this realize it contains nudity and adult themes which, though only rated as PG, I would be uncomfortable to view in mixed company.

Tears over Dollars and Cents

I cried in church today. After the Service was a special meeting called a "ministry update" which in reality was a challenge to the remaining church members to step up and build the church. Five years ago after the retirement of our long time pastor, families began leaving. The new pastor is a Godly and Educated man, an effective teacher and has a wonderful family. His only fault---he wasn't someone else. Long story short he began making necessary changes and families began leaving over trivial preferences. Our funds have decreased over the years several budgets have been revised and cut. Today as a final effort to relieve the deficit we are cutting 1/3 of our missions budget. Sadly this means that we are 'no longer partnering' with 15 of our missionaries. Only the missionaries our church has specifically 'sent out' are being kept (my family included) along with some retired missionaries. Being an MK it crushed my heart to hear that the Lord's work was being held back because of finances.

"Oh, God! You own the cattle on a thousand hills! If You are Almighty, why is Satan succeeding in tearing apart your church from the inside out? Lord, it hurts because I know what it means on the other end. To have supporting churches struggling is very discouraging. Receiving another letter bearing the news that they can no longer continue to support your ministry. It hurts to be a missionary aching to be on the field, delayed in you 'home' country when in reality your heart is miles away with the lost people you had to leave behind. God I trust now as much as ever, that You will accomplish Your will. You will be victorious. Your name will prevail...Lord, bless these missionaries. Strengthen them in this valley, provide for them from another avenue."

Our pastor challenged us to give Cheerfully, (in my mind i though 'Check!') Generously, (check) "Sacrificially" (ouch!). How many movies have I seen, how many meals have I eaten out. Yes, I give but not enough to effect my lifestyle. And it hit me that it is the unwillingness of many Christians to sacrifice extra TV stations, or the latest cell phone or weekend entertainment, that is causing the lifestyle of missionaries on the field to make major lifestyle sacrifices. What unnecessary purchases have I made that I am unwilling to surrender for the work of the Lord?

"Lord, challenge me and show me what I can do. Give me wisdom as I budget and resolve when I give. May I learn to sacrifice with a cheerful heart"

Declaration of Dependence

Today an interruption in my plan began a chain of thoughts about the independence of my character/personality. My reflection on this topic began as I exited work and sat in wait for my scheduled chauffeur. "Just five more minutes" came and went until 45 mins had lapsed. I used this time constructively to finalize my bi-weekly budget and plan out the drills for swim team tomorrow while intermittently I rationalized my ride's "unpreventable" delay. These ranged from "the clock in the kitchen is slow, she must have misplaced her keys as well, then there was a phone call the very moment she was finally going out the door, when she reached the car it wouldn't start, that must be it." Hmmm, but she hasn't called to office yet. No one has come out with a message for me. Ultimately, I reached my frustration point and surrendered to the realization that I had en forgotten. =(

Not gonna lie I had a pity party for a good five minutes then got over myself and asked, "Now what do I do?" Two options can to mind- A) return to the pool office, explain I have been waiting for 45 mins for my ride and ask to call home. B) Find my own way home, i.e. hitchhike, bus or walk.
The first option seemed to make my parents look irresponsible and put myself too close to the 'little lost puppy' category. Being a secure, independent and active woman who lost her bus timetable and isn't stupid enough to hitch hike, I chose to make use of the legs God had provided and triumphantly began to trek home.

The hour long venture in the heat of the day cause a re-evaluation of my decision making paradigm...Was I too proud? Headstrong? and Independent? Why would I choose to walk rather than the obvious solution of simply calling and reminding my mom? Partly, it was a gorgeous day and I love the outdoors. Secondly, I had the time-no appointments or plans till that evening. And Third, I would rather take an hour out of my way than wait any longer for a ride. I rely on others for almost everything, what better way to declare my independence?

This is just one step in weening myself out of my parents care. As I mature I will depend on them less and less, but through out life there is one person who I'll never outgrow my need of. My dependence on Him can't change (I will never need him less and I can't need Him more) but my realization of its depth continues to grow each day.
I realize that "...in reality I’m nothing on my own, It’s by God’s grace alone that
I can make this confession. All that I am and all I’m hoping to be is all and only what He’s given to me. So I say This is my declaration of Dependence,This is my declaration of my need, This is my declaration of dependence on the one who gave His life to me."

To my creator, sustainor, Savior, Lord, provider, comfort, protector, author and finisher of my Faith and lover of my soul-this is my declaration of dependence on You.

Innocence Lost

I met a girl today at work, a young teenager, barely sixteen years old, who's life is worlds away from my own in every way---yet I found her in a valley similar to one I have crossed. She was sexually assault at the public pool at which I'm working, by another patron a few years older than she. Being the most senior female on duty I was tasked to stay with her and offer what support, assistance, comfort I could. I was present throughout the afternoon while the unfortunate young lady had to repeat her side of the incident to numerous police officials, park rangers and detectives. Each time she began to shake more, whether from being dressed only in her wet swim suit and towel, or from the realization of what had almost occurred.

How to comfort? What to say? Mostly, I said nothing. I simply prayed. Prayed for wisdom. Prayed for this young lady as her innocence was being taken from her yet again by this sin laden world. Prayed for peace that I may remain calm in the situation. Prayed that my own emotions would stay in check.

You see I've been where she's been-a place of confusion and shame after a trust has been broken.
When a young girls innocence is tainted by the perversion of another human, How do you heal? How do you learn to trust again? How do you return to life? Through those weeks and months I had to walk the valley, I held tight to the Great Physician. His faithfulness and truth brought stability to my life that no man could shake. As I clung to His promises and comfort He lead me to paths of righteousness-In all the aftermath and throughout the trial I believe I never sinned against my antagonist. God removed any bitterness, hatred, and disgust from my heart and gave me a pity, forgiveness and love. An operation of that caliber is truly the work of a Great Physician! It was no accident that I was in a position to help comfort and heal another by displaying the Grace He has given to me. All Glory to God for His infinite wisdom! Amen.

never know a good bye...

"I cannot say good-bye to those whom I have grown to love, for the memories we have made will last a lifetime and never know a good-bye...”

Dear Friends,
As I contemplate separation this quote comforted me like one of your hugs. Knowing that being separated in distance does not mean forgetfulness or distance of heart is a great comfort. As Anne of Green Gables would say, "True friends will always be together in spirit." For the Christian we are told "Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them..."
Humans were not created for separation. We are created with eternity written on our hearts so no wonder Good-byes cause an ache in our core! For those who have recieved everlasting life our goodbyes are only 'till heaven'. I praise God who is the God of ALL comfort, that I can trust His direction in my life. He has me where he wishes me to serve, and I trust the same for you!
I want you all to know that your friendship has brought warmth to my heart and your memories etched an imprint on my soul. You will not be forgotten, you will always be loved!

A White Rose



The red rose whispers of passion,

And the white rose breathes of love;

O, the red rose is a falcon,

And the white rose is a dove.

But I send you a cream-white rosebud

With a flush on its petal tips;

For the love that is purest and sweetest

Has a kiss of desire on the lips.

- J B O’Reilly (1844-1890) -

This poem that has been one of my quotable favorites for quite sometime. It was recalled to my mind recently after watching "The Phantom of the Opera". I'm sure you all have seen it, and many rejoice at the 'good conquering evil' resolution while others lament that the Phantom was not the victorious hero winning Christine's love. It intrigues me the comparison between lust and love, selfish-passion and selfless devotion, a red rose and a white rose...

Rain

IT rained most of the day today.
Normally for me that would be a reason for complaint as I am very much a warm sun and blue skies kind of a girl, but God has been teaching me much about my tendencies to complain. In a recent camping trip, we spent 48 hours in wet elements. If we found it wasn't raining it was because we were entering into the clouds themselves. What a dreamlike though...walking in a cloud!
Those days were outwardly dreary and bleak yet as a body of believers our group persevered and encouraged on another. We were cheerful, exuberant, and light-hearted even as we conquered peak after peak only to find yet again the clouds denied us a view of the valley. It taught me a great deal about the control we have over our attitude, and the power attitude has to determine our experience. How easily those five days could be remembered as the worst of my life...the rain, lack of sleeping, rigorous hiking, inconvenience of daily tasks...yet the attitude of joy and praise that my group adopted made it one of the most memorable ;) spring break I could ever ask for!

All that to say that today I found the rain pleasant, comforting, and quite romantic. Sitting on my bed as the clouds cried a concert of raindrops, I couldn't help but praise the God who bring forth rain on both the righteous and the unrighteous. All His works are perfect, All His ways are just.
He alone is worthy of Praise!

Is this Love?

Is there a pain greater than that of unrequited love?
True love when given is with no expectation of receiving recognition or compensation...this type of self sacrifice is rare in its extreme sense, but I think we all understand the feeling to a lesser yet still painful degree. Well I've been on both sides I'm sure...no one's fault when an attraction isn't mutual but whether there is blame or not, there is pain.
This topic is a major theme in Austen's work Persuasion, where love is found and lost and reunited. Both the main and subplots deal with losing hope of a Love. At the pinnacle of the novel two character are discussing whether men or women are most faithful when love is tested by distance or time or death. Anne defends all woman of heart in saying "All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one, you need not covet it) is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone." She of course is speaking from experience, having been persuaded out of an engagement to, but not her affection for, Cpt Wentworth. Without realising that he at this moment is just opposite the room suspended on every word, she utters encouragement enought to eurge him to speak...er...write:
"I can listen no longer in silence...I am half agony half hope. I offer myself to you again with a heart even your own than when you almost broke it eight and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman or that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been and resentful I have been but never inconstant. You do believe that there is attachment and constancy among men then believe it be most fervent most undeviating in [me] F.W."
Anyways, here is a poem which speaks to a place I have in the past found myself in. Enjoy.

This is Love.

If I rather idle an afternoon with you than with anyone else...

...Is that love?

If I'm intrigued by you, determined to decipher the clues, secretly hoping you always remain a mystery...

...is that love?

What if each hug is a battle to surrender my grasp, because I enjoy your arms around me too much?

What if your fragrance which would drive me to action, also paralyzes me from it?

What if your footsteps behind me bring a slight smile to my lips?

What if my greatest fear is that we find ourselves alone...

...Is that love?

You bring to me your heart, broken and bruised by another,

And even though it may never be recognized, I care.

Your tears sting worst than my own...

...this is Love.

A person died today.
Nothing that doesn't happen everyday, but rarely in my sphere of awareness.

My heart has been unusually heavy especially considering my distant connection with this individual. For the longest time that fact confused me. I suppose I'm burdened because of the hopelessness this person's family must be experiencing.

Celebrating Easter only a few weekends ago and being uniquely struck with the power of the resurrection, this comes as a stark contrast to how we, as children of God, experience death.
I think of the passage I Corinthians 15:54-58, "But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality,"
At salvation Christ's imperishable righteousness is imputed on our account.
Paul continues, "then will come about the saying that is written, "DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP in victory. "O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR VICTORY? O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR STING?"
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law; but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
Christ's resurrection removed the effects of sin. For believer's there is still physical death, the separation of soul and body, however the sting is not there. We died with the certainty that to be absent from the body is to be present with the lord not with guilt or fear of condemnation.
Paul concludes with a challenge:
"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord."

We know we have the Victory and we are supposed to live as though we have Victory by abounding in the Lord's work.
Are we living in light of the Ressurection? Do we serve a living Savior.

Warm Mosaic...

Dear God, Thank you for the beauty and order and color of your creation!
Thank you for both sunshine and rain needed to bloom a rose.
Thank you for life and vibrancy and creativity.
For You and Your Glory alone.

1. handle on bokeh, 2. Orange mood., 3. HDR Memories from Past, 4. Orange Rose, 5. No. 18: Orange, Red and Green, 6. The tulip orchard, 7. a whiff of bokeh, 8. Meeting the pregnant princess of the forest, 9. que tren que tren, 10. Window Hum, 11. evergreen..., 12. Where The Rainbow Starts

Odd fact...We recall only 20 percent of what we hear but 70 percent of what we say.

I found this in an article on why discussion groups on Christianity are an effective way to lead people to Christ. It points out that "when everyone has a fair chance, each participant is greatly influenced by what he discovers and shares with the group. What he hears himself saying about Jesus' claims will be remembered long after he forgets what someone else tells him."

Odd thought...Part of being salt, is bringing out the natural flavor of the food. We can do this by living lives which contrast the world. When we do this we draw-out the innate need for God in the lives of those around us. A genuinely different lifestyle and attitude, flowing from a relationship with God, opens up discussions on Theology as naturally as if we were conversing about politics or weather. If I can answer my friends with scripture and encourage them to research it themselves (perhaps they will, perhaps they won't) then truths they find themselves will begin to impact lives.

I myself will never change anyone apart from God's Word, we are simple called to be the salt. =)

Perhaps, love...

This is the last paragraph from Anne of Avonlea. I like the way it presents a view of how Love can slip so softly into our lives that we may not even notice for a while...

It was as if a veil that had hung before her inner consciousness had been lifted, giving to her view a revelation of unsuspected feelings and realities. Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music, perhaps. . . perhaps. . .love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.

Then the veil dropped again; but the Anne who walked up the dark lane was not quite the same Anne who had driven gaily down it the evening before.

The page of girlhood had been turned, as by an unseen finger, and the page of womanhood was before her with all its charm and mystery, its pain and gladness.